Life at this point

There comes a time in everyones life, where you need to just step back and evaluate things. It is possible, I do this just a little too much. I wander to myself am I reallt being me? I love being around people and laughing, just having a good time. When I am with Kyle, he doesnt like for me to go out. He does have a right to worry, because I know I hurt him. It is just so hard for me o not go out and be with everyone. I always worry I am throwing away some super valuable years of my life just sitting around with my boyfriend. Do not get me wrong, I am not miserable when I am with him. Every now and again, I picture what everyone else is getting to and I get jealous. I am a "free spirit" my mom says. I have never been in a relationship without cheating, until Kyle. Even with him, it is very technical. It is hard for me, because I never feel like I get the freedom in a relationship that I want. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want. I dont care what he is doing, as long as at the end of the day we are still there for each other. Iwould probably never cheat or even act wild, if he would just let me go be with the girls when I wanna be. Another thing I think about is im sacrificing a bunch for Kyle, what do I get out of it? I dont feel like I get the respect I should for not doing all these things. I have given up a whole lot, when it comes to friends. What if it is all a mistake? If we break up in a year? I am going to be so mad, I wasted all this time with stupid inner turmoil? It is just so complicated to try and find a guy like that!